Open Letter To Team Selah

Selah,

Well, month 4 has come and gone and we’re about to go into another Debrief; one that will be full of changes. Role changes, team changes, heart changes, time spent with leadership and the whole squad, reflecting on the last month and resting in the Lord before beginning another month.

So here I am, reflecting on the last 4 months as a member of Team Selah…

Wow. We’ve been through a lot of stuff together.

We started as 6 strangers in a town called Lima, Peru. Destined for great things and full of love for Jesus. 6 different stories, weaknesses and strengths to bring to the table. 6 different opinions, voices, and convictions.

You all know this but it needs to be said; I found it very challenging to find myself, my place and my voice in the midst of so many strong people and voices. I loved hearing the opinions but was intimidated and I felt really out of place for the first bit. Didn’t we all?

We survived a week in the jungle (and most of us even fell in love with it), a rushing river, street evangelism, drama with some men staying with our first hosts, overnight buses, sharing space with a couple of big groups, and most importantly; we survived each other. 

We’ve had great ministries, movie nights, late night jam sessions, deep conversations, shared testimonies, celebrating birthdays, cooking, inside jokes, a CONCERT??

We’ve laughed together, cried together, fought, sang, taught, celebrated and loved people together. And we’ve hurt together, and hurt each other. We have each done or said things that have caused a lot of pain to different individuals and to the team unit as a whole. The hardest part about owning your own faults and weaknesses and apologizing for the hurts you’ve caused is not seeing every person on the team own their stuff—which just causes more hurts.

Despite all of the brokenness that happened to us and because of us, I am still so thankful for each of you. You all taught me valuable things about myself, the world, and the heart of our Abba. The times when things were so hard I wanted to crawl into a ball created a space for growth and it allowed you all to learn how to love me well (to those of you that did: THANK YOU).

The hardest and most painful times were damaging, however, it grew us closer to God and in some cases; each other.

The Lord never promised us that growth would be painless. And He never forces us to grow, but change and growth are necessary and if you’re partly resistant to the change; it makes it that much more painful to endure.

Selah, I’m sorry that it took me nearly 4 months to find the value of my voice and use the God-given wisdom to speak new perspectives and life into narrowed perceptions. I’m sorry for being so passive that I was deceitful. That was never my intention but it happened. I’m sorry for being so others-focused that I couldn’t just tell y’all when I was hurting or needed something. I’m sorry for all of the times I didn’t speak up or do something that could’ve prevented some of the hurt and conflict. I’m sorry for being a “peace-keeper” instead of a “peace-maker.”

Thank you for being there, thank you for loving me, thank you for the tough love, and thank you for all of the good times we’ve had.

I love each of you so much and although this is a bittersweet moment of change and possibilities filled with all of the emotions, I know that God is working each of our stories out (Romans 8:28). He is bringing healing and restoration but also, transformation and clarity to each one of us.

No matter what happens for the rest of our Race or the rest of our lives, I pray the Lord uses the last 4 months to reveal things to each of us about our own hearts, faults, and areas for growth, but also about His heart for us and how He so delicately holds our worlds in His hands.

Regardless of whether or not we end up on the same teams; y’all will always be my brothers and sisters in Christ.

I heard these words from a wise man a week or two ago and they’ve been my stuck in my head lately; “how you end one season is how you will start the next…how do you want to end this season?”

Let’s end this season full of joy and expecting the Lord to use us for mighty and incredible things!

-Niecey