Team Leading is hard.
It’s messy and vulnerable and exposing and challenging and beautiful.
I’ve learned a lot about failing and a lot about grace. One of the things we talked about during our leadership training was the cost of leadership and the question was asked; “are you willing to be wildly misunderstood for the sake of walking in obedience to God and doing what’s best for the team or group of people you’re leading?”
Being understood/heard is a big part of my story so honestly, this is one of the things that I have a hard time wrestling with and it’s led me to the following questions:
Do I care more about the growth and well being of my team more than I care about being heard?
Do I love them more than I want them to like me?
I haven’t always liked my own answer to those questions.
This month has been challenging for me; it started with training and debrief and Holy Spirit moving in incredibly new ways in my life and in the squad, however, once my team found ourselves in Sarandë, I found myself experiencing mental/spiritual warfare that’s been hard to combat (especially while leading a team of people). Insecurity, silence and fear of man have been trying to creep back into my mind which can often look like me struggling to find words and hesitancy making decisions. These are things I overcame on my own World Race journey and it’s caught me really off guard this time around because I haven’t struggled with it like this in a long time and it hasn’t felt like it used to (which is good in the way that it hasn’t been shaking my identity as mu it use to, and it also has made it harder to figure out what’s going on).
You guys, the enemy is so predictable! Of course he comes at me again in a way that would shake my head and heart all around to try and keep me from showing up for my team and for ministry the way I need to. But God. God has been so kind and has let me know over and over that He is near and has me covered. That He sees me and trusts me even in my struggle because I’m not powerful enough to mess up His purpose and plan for this team and that I only need to keep my eyes locked on Him. He is the shepherd, He’s just using me as the staff for a little while.
Abba has sent me people to see me and surround me when I can’t go on fighting anymore and if any of you are reading this; THANK YOU. Your support and encouragement has meant the world to me and I love you all so much!
To Bullseye, thank you. Thank you for the times you have come close and cared for me, encouraged me, and made me see the things I couldn’t see on my own. Thank you for challenging me and pushing me to press in; even the hard conversations have been worth every second. You guys are really incredible and the growth I’ve seen in you makes my heart swell with joy and expectation to see how God continues to move in your lives. I love you guys a lot.
I’m more than halfway into Team Leading and although it’s looked nothing like I expected; I’m really, really thankful I said “yes” to M Squad, “yes” to Bullseye, and “YES” to going wherever my Father wants me to go.
Following the voice of Abba,
Niecey
